What If

Word

I have gone through so many what if’s in my life that I figured, “It was time for a change.” So when love came knocking, I barely put up a fight. It was new; it was exciting, it was something I couldn’t wait to dive into. I wasn’t sure I was ready but sometimes, fate plays a hand and you have no choice but to follow through. I was whisked away into an experience I wasn’t entirely certain I was ready for but, looking back, I have to admit… I couldn’t wait for the ride to begin!

I never thought I would love so quickly nor did I ever imagine finding myself falling down an unexpected rabbit hole so fast. It was a whirlwind romance.  I was clueless and apparently, so was he. I wasn’t his first but, from the way he acted, it felt like I was. He stared at me with a nervous grin, twiddling his thumbs when he couldn’t fully grasp what I was trying to say. To me, that made it all the more endearing and so, I fell even further.

“It is a curious thought, but it is only when you see people looking ridiculous that you realize just how much you love them. ”

-Agatha Christie

 

My instincts kept telling me to get out while I still could. To save myself from the inevitable heartache this relationship would cause. Still, I was stubborn. I kept trying to steer our direction towards a happily ever after when in my heart of hearts, I knew this particular chapter of my story was meant to end in disaster.

amazingly stupid

When the dust cleared and the remnants of what once was lay broken and forgotten; I was left wrestling with more questions than answers. If there was any form of love in what we had, then why did I feel so empty? Why was I left wondering?

I guess that’s the thing about googly eyes, sweaty palms and promises of forever; if things work out, you’re left on cloud nine with butterflies in your tummy and a dopey smile permanently plastered on your face. If fate decides to drag you the other way, the floor disappears and back down the rabbit hole you go, once again faced with the question you’ve tried desperately to run away from… WHAT IF…

“Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war, love… is growing up.”

-James Baldwin

 

FALLING In Love…

Every girl dreams of finding that one guy to spend her happily ever after with; the question is, how do you know who to give your heart to?

Being single for the past 24 years hasn’t given me A’s for experience BUT it has allowed me a glimpse into the life of star-crossed lovers, flings, love affairs and promises of forever. I don’t claim to be an expert but after so many years of watching people falling in and out of love, you’re bound to pick up a couple of things.

life

Ladies, be kind to your heart…

Fall for the guy who keeps you up at night. Who makes you smile when you think about him and makes you that much more excited to see him again.

Love the guy who tells you you’re beautiful every chance he gets. Who tells you your gorgeous even though you’re only wearing a pair of jeans and a regular shirt because you feel bloated and fat.

Pick the guy who’s affectionate but understands when you need your space. The guy who’s confident enough to leave you alone for a while because he knows that at the end of the day, you will always come back to him.

Fall in love with the guy who puts up with your unreasonable mood swings during “that time of the month” not because he gets it but because he loves you enough to let the little things slide.

Be head over heels for the guy who loves kids. You can never go wrong with a man who’s willing to pretend to be prince charming just to impress a 5 year old little girl.

prinvxdg

Choose the guy who isn’t afraid to be wrong. That guy who knows he’s not perfect and doesn’t try to justify his mistakes just to save face.

Find the guy who makes you laugh. The guy who thinks you’re cute when you accidentally release a snort and doesn’t care if your hysterical giggles echo throughout the restaurant.

Find the guy who can put up with your quirks. The guy who can’t completely grasp your unreasonable love for Broadway musicals but will bob his head and sing along to your show tunes in the car because he’s gotten so used to hearing them. 🙂

Look for the guy who can put up with all your weird habits. The guy who doesn’t get how you can top rice off with coffee but will try it anyway because it’s something you love.

Fall in love with the guy who can think for himself. The guy who won’t make his world revolve around you but instead, will find a way to make your two worlds intertwine.

Fall for the guy you’re most comfortable with. The guy who isn’t bothered when you both just sit in a coffee shop and read books together like an old married couple.

UP

Pick the guy who’s loved you for the longest time. The guy who waited because he knew you weren’t ready to hear what he had to say but has always been there for you every painful step of the way.

Fall in love the guy who accepts your imperfections. The guy who can see through all your crazy mishaps but loves you anyway.

Finally, love the guy who can live without you but chooses not to. The man who’s grown so accustomed to loving you that he can’t imagine not doing it for the rest of his life.

LOVE

“I am someone who is  looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.”

~ Carrie Bradshaw

May we all be so lucky to find that one person we can share forever with. 🙂 Have fun falling in love mon chéri!

20

Dear Life

 

People say that a person’s 20’s are the highlight of their life. It’s when they shed off what’s left of their childish ways, officially enter adulthood, and fall in love for the first time for all the right reasons. Personally, I beg to disagree. I’m turning 25 this year and I can honestly say that I still have a bit of my 16 year old self conveniently tucked away. Some might call it immaturity, others, a desperate attempt at holding on to ones yester years. To me, the 20’s isn’t the AWESOME welcoming party to adulthood, RATHER; it is the rude awakening to a life you’re not sure you’re prepared for.

OLD

The 20’s can be wild and exciting. It’s immersing yourself in a whole new world with equally crazy, confused, and hormone induced 20 something folk just like you. It’s when you desperately want to be all grown-up but still cling to the thought of being a kid so you start juggling your workload with the weekend getaways and late night parties. It’s when you hold your first paycheck, call up a friend, and spend like you’re a freakin millionaire on a shopping rampage. Savings? What the hell is that?!!

In the end, you’ve achieved the impossible. Sleep deprived and broke; you’ve conquered the barrier between being a child and an official adult. You’ve now become a proud member of the “In-Betweens”.  You’ve matured physically but you’re not marked an old timer just yet. That, my friends is but a glimpse of a typical 20 something’s life. Forever on the go and not entirely willing to let stuff go. 🙂

Now we move on to love.  People tend to brand the teenage years, as the time for experimenting. The moment when raging hormones usually get the better of us so we jump at every opportunity to love and be loved. Personally, I think the 20’s aren’t all that different. Yes we’re older and supposedly wiser but at the end of the day, we still end up falling for the bad boy on the motorcycle instead of the cute, geeky guy who’s silently loved you your whole life. Why?!!

Two things you should remember about falling in love in your 20’s:

  • MAGIC rarely happens by chance

– We all want to be swept off our feet but at this point in time, we’re too old to believe in fairytale endings. If you want your own happily ever after, you have to work at your relationship. The rest of it will just click into place when the time is right.

  • The cute guy isn’t always the perfect pick

– Being cute is a huge PLUS but being able to laugh at witty jokes and having meaningful and deep conversations beats ogling a guy any day. Dating the hot jock is sooo 5 years ago!

“So fine. You’re going to fall in love with The One. You’re going to fall in love with someone who will make sense beyond college or a job or a particular season. They’ll make sense forever and won’t ever want to leave you behind. I’m telling you this not because it’s true but because it NEEDS to be true. Everyone is entitled to this kind of love, so why not? Have it. It’s yours. Blow out the candles on your 30th birthday, holding their hand, and let out an exhale that’s been waiting for ten years.”

– Thought Catalog

MHMMM

So there… I guess being in your 20’s isn’t such a bad thing.

Is it hard? Yeah it is.

Do you sometimes wish you could curl up into a ball and disappear? Yeah you do.

It may sound like such a cliché but it’s all about the decisions you make! Technically, your 20’s map out the rest of your life. It’s never too late to change but it gets pretty damn hard when you’re so use to falling into the same patterns.

To sum it all up, the 20’s are about figuring out what you wanna do and who you wanna be for the rest of your life.

It’s about killing the drama of the past, toning down unrealistic expectations and grabbing every opportunity that comes a’ knockin.

It’s also about looking back and choosing what to take along your journey and what to leave behind.

The 20’s is about embracing all the jumbled up emotions you have and making them a part of you instead of shoving them away.

It’s about acceptance and about making room for the real you to come out and play the game. 🙂

“It’s about a girl who is on the cusp of becoming someone.. A girl who may not know what she wants right now, and she may not know who she is right now, but who deserves the chance to find out.”

-Jodi Picoult

For an article related to this post, click HERE

A Pre Valentine Confession

Everyone more or less remembers their first love. How it started, how it felt and how it eventually broke your heart. You end up drinking until your world spins, you eat like there’s no tomorrow and you constantly repeat the phrase, “I can’t go on!” like a mantra from a really bad remake of the High School Musical. At the end of it all, you curl up in bed, stare at a photo and bawl your brains out.  Such is the aftermath of having your heart ripped out and shredded for the first time.

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.”

-Neil Gaiman

 

After a couple of weeks or months if you thoroughly enjoy wallowing in self-pity, you decide to dust yourself off and revisit the magical land we normal folk like to call the bathroom. After putting on a fresh pair of pants and a relatively new top, you plan the biggest bonfire ever!

You dig up the hidden boxes packed with sweet nothings (receipts from your first date, the little I love you post it notes), the love letters of yester years and the cheesy couple photos with you ALMOST but not quite kissing (because that would just be tacky.) You pile them up in a mound closely resembling an anthill and set everything on fire. Maybe, just maybe it’ll help you forget…  When all the love letters and trinkets have been burned and the rivers of tears have been re-shed, you’re left empty, damaged and alone… That is — until the next one comes along.

crying babs

 

They say that loving a second time is easier. Been there, done that sort of thing. Yes there are butterflies and yes your neck still approaches breaking point at the sight of a pretty face, but unlike the unabashed transparency of young love, the second time around pushes you to become more cautious. After being hurt the first time, you’d like to think you’ve become more learned and more mindful. You learn from your mistakes and you’d like to believe that it’ll be smooth sailing from here on in. Some find this tactic effective and they end up walking that long, flowery white aisle to their happily ever after. Others however aren’t as lucky. After building supposedly unbreakable walls around their hearts, they end up right back where they started… Empty, damaged and alone.

If I’m starting to sound like a love guru, then my mission is complete. Truth be told, the only romantic kind of love I’ve ever experienced is through the movies I’ve seen and the books I’ve read. I’m 24 years old and I’ve never been in love. I may sound like a painfully bitter spinster to some but quite frankly, I don’t give a damn. I love my life and everything and everyone that comes with it. It just so happens that that kind of love has yet to make an appearance. 🙂 It’ll happen when it happens. I’m in no rush. C’est la vie mes amis!

May this year bring you luck in life, happiness in love and fulfillment in everything that is beautiful! 😀

 

“Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.”

-Nicole Krauss

Haven't met you yet

This could not have come at a better time. Truly inspirational in every sense of the word! 🙂 This is for all of the people who’ve lost their way and need a little pick me up. Nothing is impossible!

 

“If you can dream it, you can achieve it!”

-Walt Disney

Strange Fruit

If you need some inspiration, watch this. To never give up, is a hard lesson to learn.

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FLOOD WARS

I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything on my site and for that, I would like to apologize. My blog was blocked for over a month and when it finally decided to stop going bonkers, I was way too busy and I couldn’t, for the life of me, figure out what I wanted to write about. In the end, I ended up doing what all the Greats (Shakespeare, Austen, and Poe, to name a few) have probably done before me. I twiddled my fingers and counted invisible sheep in my head. Thus begins the inevitable cycle of a frustrated writer suffering from writer’s block.

A lot has happened in the last 3 and a half months. There have been life changing experiences, cheap thrills, heart-breaking losses and crazy adventures in between. Having said that, I know most of you understand my dilemma over choosing the “perfect” story to share. It often feels like the best moments can’t be put into words and the rest of your anecdotes have become too run of the mill for other people to care. When you think about it, it’s a wonder how any of us can get a good word out when there are so many hitches that get in the way… Sometimes though, something larger-than-life happens and in that moment, the story seems to write itself.

I guess the only question that’s left to ask is… Why now? Why this story? Well… It all starts with WATER. Lots and LOTS of water…

The rain started around Friday last week (August 3rd) but it wasn’t until Monday evening (August 6th) that the droplets of water from the sky started pounding on the pavement with a vengeance.  By Tuesday morning, classes were suspended and the flood wars began.

Students balancing on top of chairs to avoid the flood…

The University of Santo Tomas. FYI, that pond/lake in the middle isn’t usually there. On a normal day, that’s the field…

 

Storms are never a welcome sight but this one in particular was an unabashed traitor. It came like a thief in the night, unexpected and DEADLY. As I rushed home from the University on Monday afternoon, I was told I left just in the nick of time. It wasn’t long before the downpour started lashing out at the train I was in; almost as if it had something to prove.  As the train swayed a little more violently than usual, I found myself praying that I’d make it to my stop before the weather got any worse. Every gruelling inch that train took was one step closer to me getting home and for that… I was grateful. Unfortunately, my other friends weren’t so lucky. Most of them were forced to set up camp in other people’s houses because it was getting impossible to travel. At that moment, my only goal was to get home. Thankfully, I did. The next morning, I watched in horror as the floods quickly engulfed the streets of Manila.

The streets of Metro Manila completely submerged in flood water

Search and rescue teams trying to get everyone to safety.

 

It was an incredible blessing to be safe at home but I couldn’t help but think about all of those people who weren’t as lucky as me. I was worried about my friends who were stuck in their houses and dormitories with limited food supply. I was glad they kept updating me on what was happening but aside from actually knowing how they were, I could do nothing more but sit at home and pray for their safety.

Tuesday evening (August 7th) was probably the worst day. I kept receiving text messages from my friends saying that water was invading the inside of their houses and that they needed to carry as much of their belongings up to the 2nd floor. Some possessions that were too big or too heavy to carry had to be sacrificed. One of my friends’ who is currently a piano major, watched helplessly as the flood began to lick the bottom of her piano. After a few hours, she knew that those beautiful piano keys were tarnished and the piano itself now belonged to the water.  Despite having to go through all of that, she sent me a text message later that night telling me that she was grateful that she and her family were dry and safe up in the 2nd floor of their home.

To add insult to injury, SOS tweets started coming in at a rapid pace. News of people stuck on the roof of their homes needing rescue were rampant. Relief centers tweeted about needing more supplies and reinforcements. Anyone who was willing and able to help was welcome. Then came the tweets about hospitals being flooded, patients running out of provisions and hospital generators slowly dying and needing diesel. Somewhere, someone out there needed help. People were hungry, tired and sick but still, the rescue operations continued and volunteers kept packing relief goods non-stop until the wee hours. At that point, everyone knew… It was definitely going to be a long night…

UST Hospital Emergency room. FLOODED!

UERM Hospital SUBMERGED!

 

By Wednesday morning (August 8th) the clouds were still dark and trickles of rain still fell, but the weather lightened considerably. Floods dropped and more roads opened for cars to pass through. There was still water in some areas but canoes, rubber boats and “submarine” like vehicles were no longer needed to get from point A to point B in most parts. Volunteers started flooding into relief centers in droves.  Everyone wanted to help in whatever little way they could. These people are the unsung heroes of this calamity. These are the people who were willing to give of themselves to help others. 🙂

Packing relief goods for the flood victims

At around 2pm on Wednesday, the clouds shifted, darkened and the flood wars continued. Though the rains weren’t as strong as the previous days, new water mixed with the flood equals even more flood. Water started to rise AGAIN but thankfully, the rains were not continuous. 😦 Night came, the rains were in and out and there was nothing left to do but pray.

Today is a Thursday (August 9th) and it looks as if this day marks THE END of the flood wars. Not a drop has fallen from the sky, Mr. Sun has come out to play and I couldn’t be more thankful. The battle is far from over. There are still people who need our help. A lot of people have suffered valuable losses and this should be the time when they’re allowed to lick their wounds and feel sorry for themselves. However, instead of catching people wallowing in self-pity, I see folks desperately striving and utterly willing to help their fellowmen. The beauty about being a Filipino is knowing that when push comes to shove, you are never alone. At the end of the day, we’ve got each others backs. 🙂

I salute the Prisoners of Muntinlupa Jail!!!

 

When tragedy strikes, picking yourself up and trudging on is always a choice. Amidst all the hardships my country had to go through these last few days, I am proud to say that I saw determination, sincerity and HEART. We may not know each other from Adam but we’re always there to lend a hand. We may not be a perfect people but we know when to put aside our differences and work towards a cause so much greater than any of us.

We are Filipinos. BANGON PINOY! (Rise!)

Summing up and smooth escapes…

These past few days have been a whirlwind of activities so forgive me for not being able to check-in sooner. So much to do yet so little time to do it all. *sigh* 🙂

A lot has happened the past 7 days (warning bells clanging in your head.) Before you click that red X on the upper right hand corner of your screen, let me ease your mind by saying I won’t go blabbering about every single detail. I’d rather not have brain dead readers who don’t really care about what I had for lunch this past week (because none of them have really been a feast for the eyes) or about the fact that I executed the tree pose (for non yoga fans like myself, that’s apparently a basic yoga posture) for a full 3 minutes before I toppled over. 🙂

3 key points to this week. I’ve basically divided my time studying for finals (and I see my Mom rolling her eyes as she is reading this 😛 ) hanging out with friends and family and indulging my sudden voracious appetite for reading. To sum it all up, the days have come and gone without any major hitches. For that, I am beyond grateful. 🙂

 

To elaborate on the subject of reading and of just how starved I’ve been for books, in the 7 days since my last entry, I have gone through 3 “no brainer” novels and I have just started on my 4th one 30 minutes ago. Now before any of you fly off the handle about my “no brainer” comment, I’d just like to point out that I don’t mean anything bad by it. Quite the contrary actually. To me, “no brainer” novels translate to pick-me-up books for when I want to just plop down on a comfy chair with a cup of coffee, zone out and read the day away. At the risk of sounding shallow, I have to admit, I rather enjoy carefree moments like that. 🙂

To end this long overdue entry, I leave you with some fun quotes that I’ve encountered these past 7 days. I hope you enjoy them and I’ll see you all on the flip side! CHEERS! 😀

“Remember, it’s always better to be the smartass rather than the dumbass.”

 

“Experience is something you get… after you need it.”

 

“Learn from the mistakes of others you won’t have time to make them all your self”