It’s the Little Things

As a kid, I distinctly remember saying that I couldn’t wait to grow up (I said it more than once actually). I saw all of these amazing things around me and I met so many fascinating people along the way that I thought this world held nothing but wonders. I looked at life from a different perspective back then. I can even say that, as a child, I looked at the world through rose-tinted glasses. All I saw were the beautiful things this world had to offer me. There was only that, and nothing else. I remember thinking, “One day, I’ll end up doing everything and so much more.”

At 23, I find myself gazing back at the little girl who thought she held the world in the palm of her hand. I still get amazed at the things that catch my fancy and I still meet so many riveting and beautiful people every day. The only difference is my perspectives have changed. I have changed.

We may not want to see it for what it is but in the back of our minds, the thought is there. Life is never easy and it doesn’t always play fair.

There are a million things to appreciate but there are an equal number of things that leave your heart broken into several little pieces.

The glasses are off and reality rears its ugly head.


Yes there are happy people, but there are also those that literally live their lives one day at a time. There are kids who play with mountains of toys, but there are also kids who are forced to wander the streets begging for food. There are people who jet set all over the world yet, there are those who are content to live their lives cooped up within the 4 walls of their home, not realizing how ginormous this world truly is. Then there are the little girls who dream of conquering the world and holding it in her hands. They dream of controlling time and moulding life into a Utopia that’s been built on fantastical stories of happily ever afters. Somehow, they grow up and realize that princesses are for stories and worlds could never fit into teeny tiny hands. With this in mind you can’t help but think, “If there are so many things wrong with this world, what is there to live for?”



I always pass by Recto on my way to the train station. For those of you who don’t know where that is, it’s a fairly rough neighbourhood in Manila, Philippines. It has a reputation for housing some of the most badass people in the country who mug you blind if you’re not careful.

As I was walking, I came across two street urchins running up the sidewalk and pointing at the train that was passing above them. One of the little boys stared in awe and said, “One day, I’ll be able to ride that train too” the other little boy looked at him and said, “One day, I’ll make a bigger train that can take us to the moon.” As the train disappeared from their sight, they smiled, picked up 2 discarded sticks from the ground, and ran along the side of the street without a care in the world. I went home that day with renewed spirits and a brighter outlook on life.

Here’s the thing. Kids may be little but their hearts are always so full, their words almost always hold true, and their minds are constantly conjuring up dreams of a better and more exciting future.  If those two street kids, who may or may not have 20 pesos  to their name, dream about one day claiming the world as theirs, who’s to say their dreams won’t come true? That’s the problem with the real world, a lot of the time, when things don’t turn out the way we plan them to, we sulk in a corner and give up.

If you want to be happy, you have to remember that you can’t be good at something if you don’t work at it. It’s a basic lesson but it’s always shoved aside for the more highfaluting morals that are basically just a more flowery version of the original.

Another thing I’ve learned is that you have to want to excel. If you refuse to rise above and beyond what you think you’re capable of, you’ll forever be mediocre. I know a lady who used to work as a household helper. 10 years later, she’s opened her own restaurant and owns a franchise of a popular Filipino fast food joint.


To answer the question, what is worth living for? My answer would be LIFE!

Amidst all the chaos and “horrors”, there is still hope and a chance to turn dreams into reality. Sure there are bad stuff, but there are also instances when your heart is on the verge of exploding from so much joy and love.


“Such is the way of the world. Balance is in the greater scheme of things.”


One thing is certain, years pass and we all grow but that doesn’t mean that we have to completely let go of the kid in us. We can still dream for a better tomorrow and leap towards a brighter future. All it takes is hard work, faith, trust and a little fairy dust. 😀



Weekly Junk and a Psychopathic Punk. All in all, a good week!

I’ve taken a much needed hiatus from the blog project because:

  1. I feel like I’ve become a conformist
  2. I’ve become way too dependent on the list and I think the train of thought isn’t very happy with me. That would probably explain why “he” (because I’ve decided that my train is male and I’ve named him Chuck) now refuses to make his usual stops in Lala Land aka my head.
  3. I feel like I’ve been blocking a lot of the real stuff out because I’ve been concentrating too much on the blog project.
  4. I’ve been preoccupied (enough said)

Having said that, I’d like to give you guys my two cents worth on some topics that I personally found quite interesting this past week.

I’ve decided to start a new segment on my blog. Since I don’t really enjoy droning on and on about every single thing I do every day (this is supposing you actually enjoy reading stuff like that which is something I highly doubt) I thought I’d just take time out to highlight the best parts of each week as well as make a note of the craziest and most random thoughts that pop up every day.  So… Here we go…

Aside from watching a couple almost get run over by a bus because they were making out in the middle of the street (true story,) here’s this weeks’ rundown of:



  1. If you randomly start humming “Rainy Days and Mondays” by The Carpenters on the train, someone’s bound to continue the song (this ALWAYS happens when I do it.)
  2. If you want some really cool tips on singing, I got one for ya! Stick a pen in your mouth (Not like a lollipop! Bite it sideways oh smart one) and practice singing like that. It lifts your cheeks and forces you to really work the muscles in your face (you may think it’s not a big deal but those face muscles can make or break you)
  3. TO THE RANDOM TRAIN GUY: When you fart on the train or in any crowded place, singing Circle of Life loudly doesn’t help take the attention away from you Sweetie. Whoever told you otherwise doesn’t like you very much.


  1. Contrary to what other people say, cheap breakfasts don’t always have to be nasty. Just make sure you know where to go. 🙂
  2. When a fluffy ass girl with an attitude problem picks a fight with one of your bestest friends, sock her in the gut MENTALLY(because really, we’re civilized people here) and quietly mumble a jinx ala Harry Potter (because it just sounds so cool and so mystical.) There’s a 99.9% chance that jinx won’t work but if you look AWESOME doing it… C’est la vie! 😀
  3. Paper bags are lifesavers. A friend of mine hyperventilates when she gets upset so that paper bag becomes more important to her than gravity!
  4. When you have to choose between walking under the heat of the sun to buy food or starving to death, you should seriously just plop down on the ground and start sobbing OR look for a kindhearted soul who will buy your food for you! 🙂


  1. Kids really do say the darnest things! I ran into a little girl on the street while jogging (yes, I jog now because I don’t want to waste my running shoes,) and she looks up at me and says “Are you the fairy godmother from Cinderella?” 😀
  2. When giving a baby boy a bath, make sure your head is angled at a considerably higher position. The water that shoots out from his direction may not be bath water. Trust me when I say, bath water is so much better than the alternative. 😛
  3. Watching a couple of episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S makes the world stop until there’s just YOU, Chandler, Monica, Ross, Rachel, Phoebe and Joey. After the show, you fade back into reality and realize that the world is no longer as horrible as it was an hour and a half ago. 😀


  1. Has the word SORRY become obsolete for some people?! I swear to the high heavens… there are people that feel like the world owes them a favor. They think that when they screw up it’ll eventually just blow over and the moment will pass. Well I hate to be the one to break it to you buddy but, if that’s the way you think, I guess your parents lied when they told you you were human because that’s just not the way things work here ON EARTH.
  2. Sometimes long walks under the heat of the sun is the only way you can separate the regular friends from those that are AMAZING! 😀
  3. First love never dies, True or False? My friend Miko emphatically replies that this statement is true (with matching head snap and dynamic gestures), I’m still on the rocks when it comes to this, seeing as I can’t even remember if I’ve had an actual first love (I’ll let you know as soon as I work it out,) and my other friend Val just rolls her eyes and says she has yet to fall in love.
  4. When invited to a pre-birthday celebration with friends, it’s always a good move to say YES (especially when your friends are pretty wholesome and totally  AWESOME.) You never know what you’re going to miss so it’s best that you’re there to experience everything firsthand. 🙂
  5. When your slightly drunk friend is smoking her lungs out, steer clear! That cigarette is deadly in more ways than one.
  6. Girl time in the parking lot is a great way to put gossip to rest and get some facts straightened out.
  7. When you know something good is about to happen (aka your friend comes home from the US and plans to surprise his girlfriend,) don’t go running off to the bathroom to pee. HOLD IT IN!!! Chances are, you’ll miss the whole thing (my best friend Jade did! Hahaha. 😀 )
WELCOME HOME LJ (with Badet and Sherry and half of Kaan's face)

WELCOME HOME LJ (with BADET and SHERRY and half of KAAN's face)

Meet my best friend JADE



  1. There are times when car air-conditioning just won’t cut it. Instead of it feeling like a cool breeze blowing from Utopia, it ends up becoming little gusts of steam from the mouth of a volcano (I wish I were kidding but, I’m not!)
  2. When having to deal with somebody you strongly dislike but can’t really ignore, put up a brave face and take one for the team.
  3. TO THE STUDENT WHO THINKS HE CAN FLY: When there’s a barricade of sorts in the middle of the sidewalk, don’t go all Superman-ish and decide to jump the thing. It’s there for a reason genius. Chances are, there’s a huge ditch right smack in the middle and you fall into dirty sewage water (which is exactly what happened.)
  4. There’s this thing we Filipinos call THE TRICYCLE. Now I don’t really know how  they do it but, this magical little vehicle fits 7 people (give or take) plus the driver.

So that’s about it for my very first “STUFF THAT MATTERS” entry. Here’s to hoping you guys picked up a couple of things.

It wasn’t a perfect week but it was MY week just the same. I am thankful EVERY SINGLE DAY for all the blessings that constantly come my way and for all the simple joys that pop up at the most unexpected moments.

I promise I’ll get back to doing the blog project soon. I just thought this would be a fun thing to write about so I broke the usual pattern. 🙂

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own.
And you know what you know. You are the guy who’ll decide where to go.”

-Dr. Seuss

The Lesser of Two Evils…

A friend of mine once asked me a question that I thought was fairly stupid at the time. He asked, “If I were to choose between regret and anger, which emotion would I rather allow myself to feel?” Granted, the skies were a tad dark that day and the ambience did leave something to be desired but, posing a question like that seemed unnecessary and, quite frankly, a bit annoying. Why on earth would I want to contemplate a query like that?!

Unfortunately, I found myself pondering the question and eventually, I began a mental list of the things I did regret and the things that made me want to sit in a corner and plot the downfall of the person who hurt me.

True, there are tons of other emotions to take into account:

  1. Pain can be so powerful that it consumes you, but in the end, it turns out to be nothing but a wound, it aches at times but eventually, it heals.
  2. Loneliness is painful but then again, you’re lonely because you choose to be so. If you let someone into your life, you’ll find that this world isn’t such a sucky place after all.
  3. Happiness can be amazing but  it has its ups and downs. Sometimes, that feeling of elated invincibility is short lived. Still, you learn to get past that and move on.
  4. Fear is ever present but you are always given a choice to run away or confront it.

Regret and anger, however, can linger and gnaw at the back of your mind until you finally decide to let it go.

Like any other person, I’ve had to live with both regret and anger. I love my life and am truly grateful for all the blessings but, there are still some instances in the past that I wish I could do over.

  • There are some choices I wish I didn’t make and opportunities I allowed to slip from my grasp.
  • There were some words I wish I could take back and thoughts I should have voiced out but ended up keeping them to myself.
  • So many hours wasted on frivolous things and so little time spent actually being productive.
  • So many temper tantrums that should have been suppressed and arguments that could have been avoided but ended up exploding in my face.

“Such is life… You can never really get everything you want…”

I may be all happy and bubbly most of the time but sometimes, the other feelings, those I’d rather keep hidden, seep through the cracks of the walls I’ve tried to put around to isolate it.

  • I feel bad when I get shunned away or when I’m made to feel unimportant.
  • I get offended when I’m being told snippets but, the bigger picture is always kept under lock and key.
  • I get upset when my statements get twisted and words are being shoved into my mouth.
  • I feel horrible when I’m singled out from a group of people I’ve labelled as my friends.

Basically, I’m like everyone else. Yes we’re all unique and quirky in our own little way but we’re all wired pretty much the same. That’s what makes us human.

I’m not perfect and I don’t claim to be anything close to perfection. The thing is, Yes we learn from our mistakes but why do we always have to make that an option?! If we can avoid the little blunders, then why don’t we?

In truth, I’m probably more wary of Anger than I am of any other emotion. Yes regret eats you up but the thing is, it’s in the past. You can whine and groan all you want but it won’t do you any good. The best you can do is cry it out and find a way of living life and making up for your frustrations. If it’s actually worth doing, you won’t care how long it takes or how rough the roads will be.


Anger however, can lead to revenge and you end up doing something drastic that ultimately hurts everyone involved, including yourself. You have to remember… Once the moment’s gone and the damage has been done, you can’t take it back. The question is… can you live with yourself after that?


So the answer to the question, “Anger or Regret, which one will it be?” I’d opt for none, obviously. Unfortunately, that choice was never presented. Instead, if i really had to choose, I’d choose regret. Like I said, regret is lingering but the outcome can be changed depending on what path you decide to take. If at the road’s end I find myself wanting, I hurt nobody else and can blame no one else but myself.

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed doors that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”

– Alexander Graham Bell

Don’t let life pass you by just because you can’t allow yourself to let go of the past. There are so many beautiful things about the world that are right in front of you. All you have to do is choose to see them. 🙂

Maybe not today… but SOMEDAY!

I’m 23 years old and I’ve never been in love. How’s that for a beginning statement to a Valentine’s Day post?! CatchyI’ll say. True? Most definitely. I thought I was in love at some point though. I got that similar feeling of butterflies, saw the heavens open, heard the choir of angels burst into song and created illusions of happily ever afters.  There was only one thing different; time passed and sadly, so did “love”. Again I was left alone and wanting.

I’m no hypocrite. To say that I’ve never looked with envy at happy couples sharing private jokes and stolen moments would be a lie. Sometimes I wish I had that. That feeling of longing magnifies tenfold on Valentine’s Day. Another year passed and another day of hearts spent twiddling my fingers and looking up at an empty sky (Coincidentally, Valentine’s this year was a tad rainy so the whole empty sky comment wasn’t me trying to sound all deep.)

I spoke with a friend a while back and he asked about the state of my heart. I looked at him and replied “It’s still in there. I haven’t given it away just yet.” He looked at me and said, “In all your 23 years, you’ve never once given a piece of it to anyone?” I figured the incredulous look on his face was a joke so I just said, “Nope. Not yet.” Feeling a bit uncomfortable with the conversation, I was hoping he’d let it go but as luck would have it, he had one last thing to say, “Well Honey, you better hurry. Love doesn’t put up posters on every block. If you miss your chance, it’s gone forever.” That made me think… Did I really miss my shot at love? Was I destined to wallow in self-pity, never to experience the joy of a heart thudding for someone else?! At that point, all I could think about was how I couldn’t become the old woman spilling out of a couch surrounded by 12 cats. I don’t even like cats…

I was feeling fairly disheartened and decided to jot it down, lest I forget about my depression. (Lord knows how terrible that would be… Hello sarcasm) I figured, at the very least, maybe I could make a good story out of it. By chance, I stumbled upon an entry I wrote a few years ago.

I think I’ve mentioned a while back that I’m a music student. I major in voice and sometimes I sing for special occasions like birthdays, weddings etc. The entry was about a birthday party that I was privileged enough to perform at. It was a lovely and intimate gathering with only the closest friends and family. There was a host, Annette, who saw to the perfection of the event. She handed me a song list and ordered me to stick by it. I went over the list, smiled at the band and began to sing.

About 3 songs before the end, Annette hobbled (Yes hobbled. She banged her shin on one of the corner tables) towards me and whispered, “Do you know the song TWO WORDS by Lea Salonga” to which I replied an ecstatic “Yes!” (Because I absolutely love the song) “When I give you the signal, start singing it okay.” This was apparently the part where the birthday boy took center stage and danced with his partner.

As I sang, I watched a relatively old couple sway to the melody of the music. It was the instrumental part of the song when, to my surprise (and apparently to the rest of the room as well,) the old man started speaking, his voice bouncing off the walls of the room. (He apparently had a wireless microphone taped somewhere) He said, and I quote, “I have been lucky enough to share the 1st half of my life with the woman who made me a man. Now, at 56, I am even more blessed to meet the woman who has turned me back into a lovesick boy.” He slowly gets down on one knee and says, “This boy would now like to ask you to spend the remaining years of his life with him. Will you marry me?”

The reactions were as expected. There was not a dry eye in that room. I had to turn to the band and ask them to loop back to the instrumental just so I could have a minute to compose myself. By the end of the song, everyone was cheering and clapping and clinking wine glasses. Annette introduced us (The band and I) to the happy couple. It turns out, the man was married once before but was a widower at the age of 41. The woman was a very close friend of the man’s wife and she said that falling in love with him was completely unexpected. As they retold their story, I could see how transparent their love was for each other. Not in the mushy kind of way though. In my opinion, that’s the best kind of love. You don’t have to flaunt it for other people to know it’s there. D

So, yeah… At 23, I’m still single but I’m enjoying what life has to offer. Do I want a special someone to share Valentine’s Day with? Of course I do. And I know someday… I’ll find the Shrek to my Fiona. 😀

So for now, I’m happy spending Valentine’s Day trying to surprise one of my bestest friends on her birthday. 🙂









I’m happy sharing a meal with my Mom and brother and splitting dessert at the end. 😀



I’m glad I can act goofy and silly on Valentine’s Day. In the end, it’s really all about being happy with where you’re at in life. I may not have Prince Charming banging on my door just yet but, maybe he’s just waiting for the perfect time to sweep me off my feet. 🙂


“Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.” 

– Carrie Bradshaw


Here’s to hoping you all had an amazing Valentine’s Day! Here’s to hoping every year will be better than the last! CHEERS! 😀

Changing the Cards…

I was reading all sorts of blog posts earlier today and I realized just how angry my last entry was. Do I regret it? No. I’m glad I was able to find an outlet for some of my angst. Truth be told, there’s still quite a bit left but I’ve decided to save that thought for another rainy day.

After all the fuming that occurred yesterday (and when I say fuming, I mean livid almost to a fault), I have decided to temporarily let go of my anger (I know myself all too well. In this situation, temporary is as good as it’s gonna get) and find something more productive or at the very least, a more pleasant use of my time and wordpress account.

I wrote this poem 8 years ago. I have to reiterate the fact that the poetry I write isn’t always based on MY life. I composed this particular one after a fairly long and bothersome conversation with an old friend. She was unusually depressed at the time so I thought it would be helpful if I pulled her aside and had a little chat. That “little chat”, however, ended up being 3 hours long. She basically talked about her life and how things weren’t working out for her. She talked about running away and about how “her parents were ruining her life”. Toss in the boy problems and the fact that she may or may not have been pregnant and you have a recipe for disaster. She ended our 3 hour long conversation with a request. She asked me to write a poem expressing her thoughts “more artistically” (Personally, I thought she just wanted it to sound more dramatic)


I am shattered, I am weak

My mind is blank and I can’t speak

My dreams have flown away with time

They belong to someone else and are no longer mine

The leaves have fallen, the flowers have withered

Memories of love that have yet to be triggered

Searching for solace in empty spaces

Trapped by a façade of friendly faces

So many dark paths, I don’t know which is right

I quiver at the thought of never seeing the light

The wind it blows beneath my feet

I stay awake as the whole world sleeps

I search your eyes for a reason to stay

Actions provide answers to the words you can’t convey

I cannot see my future; I no longer have a plan

This life has ended before it even began

Pain has been my only friend

This life has been a game of pretend

It’s taken everything from me

All because people refuse to see

UPDATE: I happen to know for a fact that she printed this poem out, laminated it and posted it on her bedroom wall. 8 years later, she’s engaged to be married and lives in New Hampshire with her soon to be husband Nick. She still has her laminated poem in one of her boxes. It has become a testimony to the person she once was and how she moved past it all to become the person she is now. Kudos! 😀

“We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance.”          – Harrison Ford

Once upon a time…

As a kid, I distinctly remember saying that I couldn’t wait to grow up (I said it more than once actually). I saw all of these amazing things around me and I met so many fascinating people along the way that it literally took me a while to process it all. Still, I was beyond captivated. I looked at life from a different perspective. As a child, I looked at the world through rose-tinted glasses. All I saw were the wonders, the beauty that this world had to offer me. There was only that, and nothing else. I remember thinking, “One day, I’ll end up doing everything and so much more.”

I grew up watching Disney movies. Needless to say, there was a point in my life when I thought I’d get anything I wanted just by wishing and dreaming for it. . I was a little kid. I didn’t know any better. All that was running through my mind was, if stories like this ended up in the magic box with magical moving pictures, then that’s good enough for me. I was so caught up in the fantasy that I painted. I refused to grow up gradually. When I finally realized I had to, I was literally thrown into reality. Now I see how unreasonable some of my thoughts were (trust me, I’ve contemplated my fair share of outrageous things). Disney is great and all (great is an understatement. Disney is AWESOME! 😀 ) but I mean really… The day I see Aladdin, Quasimodo and Tarzan plop down on a chair in Algebra class is the day I become Princess of Atlantis. It’s just NOT going to happen. Sometimes I think it would be easier to stand up to some evil, witchy stepmother and fight my way to a happily ever after.

As I got older, I’ve given up on wishing on the 1st star I see at night. I’ve also stopped believing that Prince Charming will one day rescue me from the clutches of an evil villain (in the real world, villains are associated with psycho teachers, messed up pedestrians and people who seriously need an attitude adjustment.)

Life is life. It’s real and it’s in your face. Yes it’s wonderful (most of the time,) but I’ve learned to accept that it won’t always be long walks in the park and picturesque picnics in the meadows of Lala Land. As Maroon 5 said, “It’s not always rainbows and butterflies. It’s compromise that moves us along” We don’t live in a fairytale. It’s not about true love’s kiss or the promise of forever (although a deal like that doesn’t sound half bad. 🙂 ). In the end, the deciding factor will always be the choices you made in the past. You hold all the cards. It’s how you play the game that determines your future.

At 23, I find myself gazing back at the little girl who thought she held the world in the palm of her hand. I’m still a dreamer in all aspects. I still cook up some impossible scenarios every now and then. I still get amazed at the things that catch my fancy and I still meet so many riveting and beautiful people every day. The only difference is my perspectives have changed. I have changed… I’ve learned to accept life as it is and not turn it into something fictional. Life may be hard and my paths may turn bumpy at times but I can still have my Happily Ever After. I just have to make it through my dark forests first. 😉

Taking it all in…

Two years ago, one rainy afternoon (and I swear, I am not making this up) I was struck by the need to write poetry. Usually I dive into creating poems that talk about heartache and love. Needless to say, writing under this genre was (and still is) the easiest for me. Probably because I’ve never actually been in love, I base my poetry solely on the stuff I read about in books or on the sob stories my friends tell me over a cup of coffee or sometimes a bottle of beer (or two) Trust me, when you have zero experience, it takes some of the edge off. There’s no pressure. That day however, I felt like I needed to write something different. Instead of writing one entire poem, I decided to dabble on writing several 1 stanza poems.

Earlier that week, I watched a documentary on high school kids. It was a tell-tale on the problems that each student had to face every day in school. There was so much drama; drama that teenagers shouldn’t have to deal with.  They interviewed various teens from different cliques and were able to unearth a lot of hidden emotions. I guess no matter who you are or where you come from, at the end of the day, you end up facing the same emotional demons. I started writing, editing, erasing, trashing and writing again. Basically, I played one-on-one basketball with my trash bin until I felt like I did justice to the story. 2 days later, I came up with 7 single stanza poems. My hope is that one day, by some miracle, one of the kids from the documentary will come across these poems and realize that somewhere in the world, somebody still listens to what they have to say.

I gaze from the side, wanting to belong
Various images flood my frazzled mind
Inside I know I have to be strong
One day the world will no longer be blind.
-The Outcast-

I grin with an absentminded smile
Wishing I could be anywhere but here
Tired of living a life of denial
Aching for some semblance of something real
-The Popular One-

I see you happy with someone else
Something in me shatters like glass
Knowing that will never be me
What we had now belongs in the past
-The Heartbroken-

I cannot love, I cannot be free
Judging eyes watch my every move
I don’t know who I’m allowed to be
So much to learn, so much to prove
-The Homosexual-

Rivers that reflect the allure of the moon
Earth, air, fire and water combined
Flowers come alive to the music of June
A kaleidoscope world that exists in my mind
-The Dreamer-

I create new worlds with paper and ink
Stories straight from remnants of a dream
Fantastic adventures come alive
Everything’s surreal, nothing is as it seems
-The Writer-

Endless corridors of empty spaces
Shadows bounce against the light
Images from different times and places
Consumed by darkness I can no longer fight
-The Addict-