ADIEU

I’ve been finding it increasingly difficult to narrow down the topics I’ve conveniently listed in my head. Mulling over what to write about always gives me that strange sense of déjà vu but that’s probably because the act HAS actually been pretty repetitive (although the thoughts are never really the same.) It’s the reason why I haven’t been able to write anything for a while. I know the excuse sounds pretty lame but, that’s all I’ve got for now.

As I try to put my thoughts into proper perspective, I’ve realized that there’s been one subject in particular that’s always managed to weasel its way back into my mind. Friendship!

I’ve been itching to write about it but I just haven’t been able to find the right angle to weave words through and around the topic. After a lot of contemplating, I’ve decided to write from experience. It won’t be all warm and fuzzy but it’ll be real and honest. Tears aren’t a guarantee but feel free to cry your eyes out (although I have serious doubts as to whether that will even be an option.)

With this in mind, I start…  

 

Friends really are the darnest creatures (and I say this with love and affection.) There are loads of definitions on friendship. Some are accurate but lack sentiment, others are over the top and way too flowery and then there are those that are just plain blech! But the most beautiful explanation of friendship is one that’s kept secret and shared only by those people whose craziness match yours.

Personally, I’ve been extremely blessed to be surrounded by the wackiest set of goofballs this side of the world. My friends keep me grounded and sane when the world seems just about ready to tip over. I may not be a whiz when it comes to some things but I’d like to think that I have a pretty good handle on the friends department. My friends may not be perfect but they’ve certainly made my life interesting.

Here’s the thing, if we end up building relationships and memories with every person we meet in life, I doubt the world would be as mixed up and topsy-turvy as it is. Unfortunately, life refuses to compromise. Hence, we are left with those few people who are willing to give of themselves and meld their character with yours. Together you begin a journey through the forbidden woods and rigorous mountains of life. Those that are in it for the long haul become your chosen family.

You paint a picture so perfect that you’d never think how something that started like this,

ends up becoming a relationship only slightly better than that of strangers.

 

What if one day the person whom you thought was one of your bestest friends cuts all her ties and leaves you hanging; no explanations, no proper goodbye, just a disappearing act that leaves you clueless, scratching your head and throbbing with an ache that doesn’t go away?

What if you make all the efforts to rebuild but she takes it all and shoves it right back without even realizing that she did something that horrible in the first place?

What if she tells you everything’s fine but uses the “I’ve been busy” line over and over again ’til it sounds like a broken record in your head?

 

What if you write the most heartfelt letter and get an incoherent and callous reply in return?

The question is, when the tides turn and luck runs out, how do you muster enough strength to say goodbye to someone you’ve slowly given a part of yourself to?

What do you do then?!!

See that’s the thing about friendship. This is what they always leave out in happily ever afters. All they show you are the rainbows and the skipping across the meadows of Happyville part. They don’t tell you that desertion from a friend can be more heart wrenching than saying goodbye to an old fling. The possibility of having to say goodbye is never easy but sometimes it has to be done.

 

So…

This is me telling you that I’ve come to terms with everything. After months of putting it off, I’ve decided to slowly let go of the past. We’ve had a good run and I’m glad you’re happy with where you’re at in life. I want you to know that the years we’ve spent as an inseparable duo will remain one of my fondest memories. It breaks my heart to say goodbye not just to a friend but to a sister.

If you get to read this, (and a part of me really wants you to) know that the bitterness has left my system. I’ve cried about it and I’ve even tried telling myself how you were never really a true friend. As much as I would like to keep thinking that way, I find it unfair to label you completely based on the last few months. Once upon a time, you were the most amazing friend that anyone could ever ask for. I guess that’s why this has been so hard to write.

 

“But fate ordains that even dearest friends must part.

-Edward Young

 

If we’re lucky, fate will give us another shot. Till then, I bid you ADIEU!

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14 thoughts on “ADIEU

  1. People and friends come into our lives for a reason, then leave. The true ones stay around. They still have more to offer and vice versa.

    How I see it is if a true friend turns out not to be so, it’s a learning lesson. One must move on no matter how hard you try or how many attempts you make to bring them back or find a reason, it’s time to let it go. And learn from it.

  2. Your words have, at one time, had manifested themselves in my own life. I had a simliar experience with a good friend, and it broke my heart. I, too, have gotten over it though it is nice to know and hear of others with similar experiences… I am still optimistic that one day I will be blessed with the kindred spirit of the Anne Shirley and Diana Berry kind…. If you are not sure who they are, check out this link. They are literary characters, whom have been represented on the big screen. Love these movies… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NcRiVsK7wOg&feature=related

  3. Coming from the perspective of the friend (for 35 years) that walked away, sometimes the person that walks away from the relationship thinks that the relationship has been too one-sided. That for years the side that walked gave and gave and gave and was OK not getting much back, but then one day (and seriously, it was over something as innocuous as a chihuahua) the friend that walked away had enough and cut off all ties.
    Relationships are two-way streets. Giving and receiving need to be closer to equal, in all things. Sometimes you wake up in the morning and realize the person, the more than a sister than your sisters, really isn’t…. And you walk… Away… Forever.

    • That’s the thing though, ours was never really a one-sided kind of thing. She got into some new things and decided that the old stuff wasn’t working for her anymore so she left and didn’t look back. 😦

      • I’m sorry for you 😦
        I am still in contact with my former best friend’s daughter. She says her mom was just as shocked as you. I have a couple friends who were shocked that I walked away and worried about OUR relationships… They are stronger than ever.
        Sending you a hug… There are more and better friends out there xoxo

    • @flamidwyfe – I know exactly what you are saying as the I was the friend who seemed to give and give until one point I just completely tired of it being one sided, and knew that that is not how good friendships should operate. It is definitely a two way street, and at that point just realized my time was worth so much more.

      • I guess I’ve reached that point where I realized that I couldn’t always be the one making the effort. It’s exhausting always making the first move and ending up with nothing.

  4. Yeah, it’s a tough one. Ya have to move on….life it too short to harp over why, what went wrong, what could I have done…etc. Look at it this way…..it’s their loss. They’re the one that lost a friend.

  5. Fantastic post! I’m glad you’re finally able to let go, I too have been in a situation very similar to yours, so I can appriciate how difficult it is to do. I have to admit, I haven’t fully been able to let go in my case. It’s mostly gone, but occasionally a bitter thought comes back to bite me on the butt!
    I’ve missed your post the last few weeks, so glad to see you posting again! 🙂

    • Don’t worry Becky, there are still some bitter thoughts that surface every once in a while. I’m not really sure if that ever goes away completely. 😦
      On a much brighter note, I’m glad I’m blogging again too. I’ve been pretty busy with finals and other stuff but hopefully I get a lot more entries done this month! 🙂 Thanks for stopping by Becky! Always a pleasure! 😀

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