I’ve pretty much mastered the art of apologies. In my 23 years, I’ve probably apologized for something at least once every day.
Now before I go on, I’d just like to make it perfectly clear that I’m not some psycho out to get everyone. I apologize for the little things too like accidentally whacking someone on the head or stepping on someone’s foot in a crowded train. Regardless of the “crime”, the “I’m so sorry” speech should still accompany the awkward glance, embarrassed face and half-smile. It’s just how the whole combo thing works. 🙂
Having said that, I look back and realize that the list goes on forever. That makes one hell of an inventory for apologies.Just think… If all goes well, I’ve still got so many more years left. (And yes, that is a good thing. 😀 )
“I’m sorry” is something most people say but, I have come to realize that I have yet to say those words to myself. I kinda figured, “If I screw up, I’m the only person who gets hurt. No harm, no foul.” After thinking it through though, I’ve come to understand something.
If you can apologize to all the other people that you will most likely never see again, how can you live your life, knowing that you’ve put yourself down because you’ve made some mistakes along the way.
With this in mind, I have decided to forgive myself for the things I can no longer change.
- I forgive myself for lost opportunities.
There are loads of things I wish I pursued when I was younger. So many chances I let slip by and so many dreams that have gone the opposite direction from where I was headed. I’ve decided to let those things go. It does ZERO good to dwell in the past. Moving forward is really the only way to go. 🙂
- I forgive myself for not thinking things through and planning ahead.
Again I am forced to stress my age. I am 23 and I’ve only just started trying to remedy the things I’ve screwed up. Taking a leap of faith isn’t bad but it does become tiresome when the leaps turn out to be leaps off a cliff. I’ve come to realize that thinking things through might not be such a bad thing after all.
- I forgive myself for moments when I gave up too easy and settled.
I’m not the most diligent of people. That’s probably why I feel like I’ve missed out on some things like ballet and sports and stuff. I’m good with the talk. It’s the actual doing part that topples me over. There were times in the past when I settled for OKAY instead of WOW. Looking back, I know I could have done things a lot better. Which is why I’ve made a resolution to actually stick to something that I love (like writing) and work my ass off at it.
Today is a time for change. It’s time to let go of the past and work towards building a better future (I assure you, that statement did not sound like a campaign slogan in my head.) There’s so much to look forward to and refusing to let go will only hold me back from reaching my goals and achieving my dreams.
“Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.”
– Lewis B. Smedes