You will always be a part of me…

Losing someone you love may just be the most painful experience you will ever have to go through. In some way, it feels like you’re losing part of yourself. Yes, time fades and wounds close, but forever may pass you by yet those wounds may never fully heal. There will always be a scar. A nostalgic, special memory eternally locked away somewhere in the center of your heart.

My great-grandfather passed away 6 years ago. He was the most incredible man in the world. His heart was so full of love despite his having to go through harsh times in his early years. His devotion to the people dearest to his heart was staggering. It was amazing to see how one man, so capable of conquering the world, was happy and content to watch his friends and family take the limelight. He was so respected and was put on such a high pedestal that he seemed quite impossible to reach. As time passed, I saw him remove each and every block so that he would never have to be superior to anyone else. He saw everyone as his equal, everyone was his friend. It’s funny… you would think that because there were so many of us, one was bound to feel less important than the other. I still don’t know how he did it but, his love was so immense, so absolute, that it was able to embrace all of us. I remember him telling me at one point that the world had to share half of his heart because the other half had already been given away a long time ago. My great-grandmother was his world. In his eyes reflected the love he was never afraid to show. I asked him once how their love story started, he looked at me and simply said, “I was a lost man, but she changed me. She was my salvation” (Coincidentally, my great-grandmother’s name was Salvacion)

I wrote this poem approximately 4 months after he died. I admit it was a hard blow. 6 years later, I still feel like I’m missing a piece of me. That’s the thing about real love, once you give it away, you can replace it, but it will never be the same.  Tears still slip from my eyes when I think of him. I have learned to accept the things that I cannot change. I have let go but I will never ever forget…

IN MEMORY OF YOU

When I was a kid I would stare up at you
And marvel at the things that you could do
You took me in your arms and stood proud and tall
You were the superhero of one so small

You tucked me in when I went to bed
Sweet dreams little girl was all you said
I’d smile at you as you kissed me good night
A lingering promise of another morning light

Though I grew older, a child you’d still see
Your little baby princess would still be me
With you I could act silly and never pretend
For me the laws of gravity I know you will bend

When I had a problem I’d always run to you
A few witty quotes and I’d no longer be blue
You’d smile and tell me there’s always a reason why
You’d wipe away my tears and tell me not to cry

You were my true best friend you see
With you I knew I could always be me
You knew me well both inside and out
With you I’d find comfort and lose all doubt

That’s why goodbye was so hard to say
I still ask myself why God took you away
I miss you more each passing day
In my heart your memory will stay

I love you and you know it’s true
You’re gone now and there’s nothing I can do

YOU SAID:

“Be still sad heart and cease your pining
Behind the clouds, the sun is still shining!”

Thank you for everything and so much more
When I think of you it makes my heart soar
You will always be a part of me
The sweetest note in my life’s melody…

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15 thoughts on “You will always be a part of me…

  1. Beautifully said Jing (sniffle, sniffle).

    2 Christmases ago, I had wish list and one of it was for my 3 darling kids to write something about their wonderful memories of Tatay Canong and Nanay Dinday. I got my wish from 2 and i’m hoping the 3rd will follow suit even after all this time (it doesn’t matter who). I was planning to put their 3 cousins, you and your bro to the task this year. It seems you’ve read my mind and did it already.

    May I have your permission to copy this blog and check you off my list?

    Love ya!
    Tatay Koy

      • Justice?
        More than that…you bring him honor.
        Just like you, I remember him as Papa, the father, the friend, the mentor, the simple man with a heart of gold.
        Your Nanay Rosette said it well…you write like him.

        Beautiful! You have his gift to write and Nanay Dinday’s gift to sing.

        Love you,
        Tatay Koy

  2. What a tribute to my dad! Truly he was such a man. He loved so much and so well. He always taught me that love conquers all. You write like him too. Tears in my eyes? Yes. I too will never forget him and how much he loved us all. Keep on writing. It is God’s gift to you. Love you much, Nanay

  3. Hey babe! Well said. That you could express so well the love and longing you feel is truly a gift. Tatay Canong and Nanay Dinday are pillars of what we are today. It is a reminder of how blessed we are in the family to have been loved like this. Amazing how it came so naturally to them. So overflowing. So unconditional. As I was reading your poem, my own memories of them were flashing through my mind. I don’t know about you, but I know I will spend the rest of my life trying to love as they did. Learning from them. Easy enough to do during the good times, but more the challenge when there is need of acceptance of each others faults and failures — which never seemed to bother them. One thing I do know I have learned from them is that in this life, next to the Him up there, family should always come first. Keep writing!!!

    • Awwww… Thank you. It’s nice to know that I was able to share my love for my Lolo with you. He truly was an amazing man. My only regret is that you were not able to meet him in person. You would’ve loved him too. 😀

  4. Very beautiful piece, Jing. I actually had to hold back my tears while reading. You have an amazing talent, girl! I’m sure your Lolo Canong and Lola Dinday are very proud of you. I know I am! I am officially a fan! 🙂 bam

  5. This is so beautiful, you are a wonderful writer! What a sad but sweet story 🙂 I never had grandparents growing up, I always wondered what that bond would be like. I really enjoyed this post!

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