A Pre Valentine Confession

Everyone more or less remembers their first love. How it started, how it felt and how it eventually broke your heart. You end up drinking until your world spins, you eat like there’s no tomorrow and you constantly repeat the phrase, “I can’t go on!” like a mantra from a really bad remake of the High School Musical. At the end of it all, you curl up in bed, stare at a photo and bawl your brains out.  Such is the aftermath of having your heart ripped out and shredded for the first time.

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.”

-Neil Gaiman

 

After a couple of weeks or months if you thoroughly enjoy wallowing in self-pity, you decide to dust yourself off and revisit the magical land we normal folk like to call the bathroom. After putting on a fresh pair of pants and a relatively new top, you plan the biggest bonfire ever!

You dig up the hidden boxes packed with sweet nothings (receipts from your first date, the little I love you post it notes), the love letters of yester years and the cheesy couple photos with you ALMOST but not quite kissing (because that would just be tacky.) You pile them up in a mound closely resembling an anthill and set everything on fire. Maybe, just maybe it’ll help you forget…  When all the love letters and trinkets have been burned and the rivers of tears have been re-shed, you’re left empty, damaged and alone… That is — until the next one comes along.

 

They say that loving a second time is easier. Been there, done that sort of thing. Yes there are butterflies and yes your neck still approaches breaking point at the sight of a pretty face, but unlike the unabashed transparency of young love, the second time around pushes you to become more cautious. After being hurt the first time, you’d like to think you’ve become more learned and more mindful. You learn from your mistakes and you’d like to believe that it’ll be smooth sailing from here on in. Some find this tactic effective and they end up walking that long, flowery white aisle to their happily ever after. Others however aren’t as lucky. After building supposedly unbreakable walls around their hearts, they end up right back where they started… Empty, damaged and alone.

If I’m starting to sound like a love guru, then my mission is complete. Truth be told, the only romantic kind of love I’ve ever experienced is through the movies I’ve seen and the books I’ve read. I’m 24 years old and I’ve never been in love. I may sound like a painfully bitter spinster to some but quite frankly, I don’t give a damn. I love my life and everything and everyone that comes with it. It just so happens that that kind of love has yet to make an appearance. It’ll happen when it happens. I’m in no rush. C’est la vie mes amis!

May this year bring you luck in life, happiness in love and fulfillment in everything that is beautiful!

 

“Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.”

-Nicole Krauss

2012 Year Ender

This year is literally about to end in a couple of hours and I just have to say how incredibly blessed 2012 has been. Here’s why…

This was the year I learned to let go of old dreams to make room for new ones.  When you’ve built something up for so long, it becomes that much harder to leave it all behind. 2012 has taught me that changing paths doesn’t necessarily mean changing who you are. Yes, your goals may have been altered but at the end of the day, you’re still you… And that’s the important thing.

2012 was the year I truly became brave. I stepped out of my comfort zone and it scared the bejeezus out of me. I started out lost but I knew I had to suck it up or else I’d never be able to get from point A to point B. Again I had to let go of certain things and certain people. It was painful but I became a better person.

2012 was the start of a new chapter in my life. I opened myself up to a whole new world. A world so foreign and different that I almost decided to turn back. But then realized… I already knew what I was going back to. Would I be willing to return to what was comfortable but stagnant or would I venture out and see what else was out there? In the end, I chose the latter and till today, I have never looked back.

I was blessed to have so many amazing people surrounding me. Opening a new chapter meant welcoming new characters  into the fold. Some I was quick to disregard and others were just as quick to latch on. I met a bunch of quirky people who have stretched my heart even wider.This year has been a year of fresh faces and newly built friendships. I am grateful every single day for all of the people who have touched my life in various ways.

This was also the year I let go of regret. There were so many things I wish I did. So many roads I wish I had taken. But wallowing in regret doesn’t bring anything back. It just takes more time away from getting started on something new. This year, I learned to look forward to tomorrow instead of looking back on yesterday. When the day is done, and the sun has set, everything that has happened quickly becomes a memory. There’s no chance of ever going back BUT… there’s always a chance of turning things around when the sun rises the next day.

I’ve always been more of a laid back person. If there was an easy way out, more often than not, I’d take it. This year, I decided to face all the challenges that came my way. Knowing you’re imperfect is one thing. Cashing in all your imperfection chips is another. We’re human, we make mistakes but still… We strive for perfection. This year allowed me to shove mediocrity in the back of the closet along with shame and fear. 2012 was the year I decided to CARPE every freakin DIEM!

Along with my new found love of challenges, I dared to hope. 2012 was the year I sat myself down, reflected on my life, trashed the wistful remnants of the past and created a whole new list of goals, wants and dreams. I wouldn’t call myself an optimist but this year, hope seeped from every inch of me. It was hope that kept me going and faith in the big guy that kept me strong. Paths changed, people changed but the big guy up there never did. He’s always had my back and 2012 was no different.

This year gave me a chance to work on myself. It was the year of revelations, a year of unearthing hidden passions and rediscovering forgotten aspirations, a year of forgiveness and a year of gratitude.

2012 was the year I decided to step up and not go about my life merely existing. It was the year for change, the year for hope and… Though it may sound cliché, the year for LOVE. Love that encompasses every crevice, every nook and cranny of your being until your full to the brim. It was the year my eyes didn’t just see the what if’s and maybe’s but also all the beautiful and exciting things that go hand in hand with all the questions and anxieties of the unknown.

 

Here’s to leaving the past behind in place of an even better tomorrow. Happy New Year everyone. I hope and pray with all my heart that 2013 allows you to break walls, dream big and soar higher than the sky.

The LEGO Story

Reblogged from Strange Fruit:

If you need some inspiration, watch this. To never give up, is a hard lesson to learn.

This could not have come at a better time. Truly inspirational in every sense of the word! :) This is for all of the people who've lost their way and need a little pick me up. Nothing is impossible!

  "If you can dream it, you can achieve it!" -Walt Disney

One Step At A Time…

We all have dreams. I don’t think we’d be able to go about our daily routines without them. Personally, I have about 10  different scenes constantly playing and re-arranging themselves in my head. There’s one where I’m a lawyer, one where I’m a surgeon (but I’m terrified of blood), there’s a scene wherein I’m a teacher (because I absolutely LOVE kids), one where I live and work in Disneyland (because let’s face it, who wouldn’t want to work in the happiest place on earth) AND… there’s even a moment when I see myself as an astronaut (zero gravity, space suit and all)

The world is filled with options. The question is… Which one is right? Which one reveals the real you?

I’ve gone around the block of panning out my future more often than most people. Some are lucky enough to have everything fall into place at the exact moment they need it to. I on the other hand, have had so many roads branching out into so many different side streets that it’s become a little difficult to figure out where it is I’m really suppose to be. As I get older, I become more knowledgeable. Not so much in an academic sort of way but more of actually knowing that when I screw something up, I should take every measure to make sure it doesn’t happen again. I guess in a way, I’m lucky to have been given a chance to get so many do-overs. Not everybody gets a 2^nd chance to right a wrong.

“Mistakes are a part of life. They are a part of who we are and as such should not be thrown away or put aside just because they’re not as pretty as the other stuff”

-CVLS

 

At present, I am trudging through life looking for that place where I truly belong. I’ve always had an idea of where I wanted to end up; I just need a little more drive to actually get there. Here enters my secret dream. One which I’m not fully inclined to divulge just yet but, give me a couple more days to think it out and I’ll tell you. This is a dream I can’t seem to shake no matter how hard I try. Sometimes I find myself thinking… maybe I can’t shake it off because it’s the path I’m really suppose to take… but then again… WHO KNOWS??!!

Now, we shall just have to wait and see where life will lead a vagabond like me. C’est la vie mes amis!!!

FLOOD WARS

I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything on my site and for that, I would like to apologize. My blog was blocked for over a month and when it finally decided to stop going bonkers, I was way too busy and I couldn’t, for the life of me, figure out what I wanted to write about. In the end, I ended up doing what all the Greats (Shakespeare, Austen, and Poe, to name a few) have probably done before me. I twiddled my fingers and counted invisible sheep in my head. Thus begins the inevitable cycle of a frustrated writer suffering from writer’s block.

A lot has happened in the last 3 and a half months. There have been life changing experiences, cheap thrills, heart-breaking losses and crazy adventures in between. Having said that, I know most of you understand my dilemma over choosing the “perfect” story to share. It often feels like the best moments can’t be put into words and the rest of your anecdotes have become too run of the mill for other people to care. When you think about it, it’s a wonder how any of us can get a good word out when there are so many hitches that get in the way… Sometimes though, something larger-than-life happens and in that moment, the story seems to write itself.

I guess the only question that’s left to ask is… Why now? Why this story? Well… It all starts with WATER. Lots and LOTS of water…

The rain started around Friday last week (August 3^rd) but it wasn’t until Monday evening (August 6^th) that the droplets of water from the sky started pounding on the pavement with a vengeance.  By Tuesday morning, classes were suspended and the flood wars began.

Students balancing on top of chairs to avoid the flood…

The University of Santo Tomas. FYI, that pond/lake in the middle isn’t usually there. On a normal day, that’s the field…

 

Storms are never a welcome sight but this one in particular was an unabashed traitor. It came like a thief in the night, unexpected and DEADLY. As I rushed home from the University on Monday afternoon, I was told I left just in the nick of time. It wasn’t long before the downpour started lashing out at the train I was in; almost as if it had something to prove.  As the train swayed a little more violently than usual, I found myself praying that I’d make it to my stop before the weather got any worse. Every gruelling inch that train took was one step closer to me getting home and for that… I was grateful. Unfortunately, my other friends weren’t so lucky. Most of them were forced to set up camp in other people’s houses because it was getting impossible to travel. At that moment, my only goal was to get home. Thankfully, I did. The next morning, I watched in horror as the floods quickly engulfed the streets of Manila.

The streets of Metro Manila completely submerged in flood water

Search and rescue teams trying to get everyone to safety.

 

It was an incredible blessing to be safe at home but I couldn’t help but think about all of those people who weren’t as lucky as me. I was worried about my friends who were stuck in their houses and dormitories with limited food supply. I was glad they kept updating me on what was happening but aside from actually knowing how they were, I could do nothing more but sit at home and pray for their safety.

Tuesday evening (August 7^th) was probably the worst day. I kept receiving text messages from my friends saying that water was invading the inside of their houses and that they needed to carry as much of their belongings up to the 2^nd floor. Some possessions that were too big or too heavy to carry had to be sacrificed. One of my friends’ who is currently a piano major, watched helplessly as the flood began to lick the bottom of her piano. After a few hours, she knew that those beautiful piano keys were tarnished and the piano itself now belonged to the water.  Despite having to go through all of that, she sent me a text message later that night telling me that she was grateful that she and her family were dry and safe up in the 2^nd floor of their home.

To add insult to injury, SOS tweets started coming in at a rapid pace. News of people stuck on the roof of their homes needing rescue were rampant. Relief centers tweeted about needing more supplies and reinforcements. Anyone who was willing and able to help was welcome. Then came the tweets about hospitals being flooded, patients running out of provisions and hospital generators slowly dying and needing diesel. Somewhere, someone out there needed help. People were hungry, tired and sick but still, the rescue operations continued and volunteers kept packing relief goods non-stop until the wee hours. At that point, everyone knew… It was definitely going to be a long night…

UST Hospital Emergency room. FLOODED!

UERM Hospital SUBMERGED!

 

By Wednesday morning (August 8^th) the clouds were still dark and trickles of rain still fell, but the weather lightened considerably. Floods dropped and more roads opened for cars to pass through. There was still water in some areas but canoes, rubber boats and “submarine” like vehicles were no longer needed to get from point A to point B in most parts. Volunteers started flooding into relief centers in droves.  Everyone wanted to help in whatever little way they could. These people are the unsung heroes of this calamity. These are the people who were willing to give of themselves to help others.

Packing relief goods for the flood victims

At around 2pm on Wednesday, the clouds shifted, darkened and the flood wars continued. Though the rains weren’t as strong as the previous days, new water mixed with the flood equals even more flood. Water started to rise AGAIN but thankfully, the rains were not continuous. Night came, the rains were in and out and there was nothing left to do but pray.

Today is a Thursday (August 9^th) and it looks as if this day marks THE END of the flood wars. Not a drop has fallen from the sky, Mr. Sun has come out to play and I couldn’t be more thankful. The battle is far from over. There are still people who need our help. A lot of people have suffered valuable losses and this should be the time when they’re allowed to lick their wounds and feel sorry for themselves. However, instead of catching people wallowing in self-pity, I see folks desperately striving and utterly willing to help their fellowmen. The beauty about being a Filipino is knowing that when push comes to shove, you are never alone. At the end of the day, we’ve got each others backs.

I salute the Prisoners of Muntinlupa Jail!!!

 

When tragedy strikes, picking yourself up and trudging on is always a choice. Amidst all the hardships my country had to go through these last few days, I am proud to say that I saw determination, sincerity and HEART. We may not know each other from Adam but we’re always there to lend a hand. We may not be a perfect people but we know when to put aside our differences and work towards a cause so much greater than any of us.

We are Filipinos. BANGON PINOY! (Rise!)

We Really Should… Such is Life…

Life is love and love is life…

One cannot truly exist without the other. In truth, we live each day of our lives hoping for the chance to share a part of ourselves, not just to those who know us best but also to some random stranger we happen to come across on the street. A smile, given with the most unabashed intentions, touches the deepest crevices of one’s heart and life, becomes that much more meaningful.

We must accept our faults. Man may be a well-oiled machine but, like everything in this life, we are flawed. We have to remember that it’s okay to go through life with a couple of glitches. These mistakes are often the best teachers. Through them we learn.

 

Amidst the many treasures that this world holds, it is usually the simplest things that draw out the most sincere emotions and the fondest memories.

Time goes on and beauty fades but the immortality of love lives on. At the end of the line, boxes of riches won’t compare to a flower that has been carefully pressed between pages of a worn book hiding a long forgotten story of yesterday.

We must grab every opportunity to further our minds with the realities of the world as well as the nonsensical know-how of the imagination. It is only when we are able to create a balance that we are truly fulfilled.

Every person we meet in life has a purpose. Don’t take ANYONE for granted. Take every moment you are given with someone and live it as if it were your last together. You never know when your goodnight turns into your final goodbye.

We should jump at every chance to open our hearts to love. Whether it be the rock solid love for a friend, the incomparable love of family or the passionate and enthralling love for a long awaited lover, love encompasses everything and everyone. Love is who we are and who we choose to be. It is in filling our hearts with a feeling of utmost surrender that we are able to see ourselves for what we truly are.

We should grab every possible moment to be courageous. We are all given a chance to be warriors in our own little way. There are many battles that we have yet to overcome. Life is full of trials. What separates the strong from everyone else is their acceptance and willingness to act and change the course of their life.

Time is a flighty thing. It’s here one minute and gone the next. Every breath is fleeting, every glimpse of a smile, a moment you can no longer get back. Life is beautiful in all its imperfections. Such is the irony we must accept.

There is magic in every small thing we do. We are so caught up in striving to be perfect that we forget how amazing and blessed we are to be human. Every day can be an adventure. All we have to do is allow ourselves to make that journey.

 

 

 

It’s the Little Things

As a kid, I distinctly remember saying that I couldn’t wait to grow up (I said it more than once actually). I saw all of these amazing things around me and I met so many fascinating people along the way that I thought this world held nothing but wonders. I looked at life from a different perspective back then. I can even say that, as a child, I looked at the world through rose-tinted glasses. All I saw were the beautiful things this world had to offer me. There was only that, and nothing else. I remember thinking, “One day, I’ll end up doing everything and so much more.”

At 23, I find myself gazing back at the little girl who thought she held the world in the palm of her hand. I still get amazed at the things that catch my fancy and I still meet so many riveting and beautiful people every day. The only difference is my perspectives have changed. I have changed.

We may not want to see it for what it is but in the back of our minds, the thought is there. Life is never easy and it doesn’t always play fair.

There are a million things to appreciate but there are an equal number of things that leave your heart broken into several little pieces.

The glasses are off and reality rears its ugly head.

 

Yes there are happy people, but there are also those that literally live their lives one day at a time. There are kids who play with mountains of toys, but there are also kids who are forced to wander the streets begging for food. There are people who jet set all over the world yet, there are those who are content to live their lives cooped up within the 4 walls of their home, not realizing how ginormous this world truly is. Then there are the little girls who dream of conquering the world and holding it in her hands. They dream of controlling time and moulding life into a Utopia that’s been built on fantastical stories of happily ever afters. Somehow, they grow up and realize that princesses are for stories and worlds could never fit into teeny tiny hands. With this in mind you can’t help but think, “If there are so many things wrong with this world, what is there to live for?”

 

 

I always pass by Recto on my way to the train station. For those of you who don’t know where that is, it’s a fairly rough neighbourhood in Manila, Philippines. It has a reputation for housing some of the most badass people in the country who mug you blind if you’re not careful.

As I was walking, I came across two street urchins running up the sidewalk and pointing at the train that was passing above them. One of the little boys stared in awe and said, “One day, I’ll be able to ride that train too” the other little boy looked at him and said, “One day, I’ll make a bigger train that can take us to the moon.” As the train disappeared from their sight, they smiled, picked up 2 discarded sticks from the ground, and ran along the side of the street without a care in the world. I went home that day with renewed spirits and a brighter outlook on life.

Here’s the thing. Kids may be little but their hearts are always so full, their words almost always hold true, and their minds are constantly conjuring up dreams of a better and more exciting future.  If those two street kids, who may or may not have 20 pesos  to their name, dream about one day claiming the world as theirs, who’s to say their dreams won’t come true? That’s the problem with the real world, a lot of the time, when things don’t turn out the way we plan them to, we sulk in a corner and give up.

If you want to be happy, you have to remember that you can’t be good at something if you don’t work at it. It’s a basic lesson but it’s always shoved aside for the more highfaluting morals that are basically just a more flowery version of the original.

Another thing I’ve learned is that you have to want to excel. If you refuse to rise above and beyond what you think you’re capable of, you’ll forever be mediocre. I know a lady who used to work as a household helper. 10 years later, she’s opened her own restaurant and owns a franchise of a popular Filipino fast food joint.

 

To answer the question, what is worth living for? My answer would be LIFE!

Amidst all the chaos and “horrors”, there is still hope and a chance to turn dreams into reality. Sure there are bad stuff, but there are also instances when your heart is on the verge of exploding from so much joy and love.

 

“Such is the way of the world. Balance is in the greater scheme of things.”

 

One thing is certain, years pass and we all grow but that doesn’t mean that we have to completely let go of the kid in us. We can still dream for a better tomorrow and leap towards a brighter future. All it takes is hard work, faith, trust and a little fairy dust.